A Tribute to Dad

Dad: a child’s hero. A son’s example and teacher. A daughter’s guide and guardian. A man with more on his shoulders than most people tend to think. He is a leader, a teacher, a doctor, a caregiver, and head of the household. But more than that, Dad has a lot of amazing-ness underneath and unspoken that most people do not, and many will not, comprehend…

A man who fathers children, much like the woman who bears them, shares a bond with these children of his. Today’s society harps heavily on the “dead-beat-dad” and all too often the dad who has been there, is there, and will always be there is the unsung hero of this generation. This unsung hero has a heart for his children. He loves them from their birth until his dying day. My dad is this unsung hero. He has watched myself and my siblings take our first steps. He has listened as we spoke our first words. He was there to hold us when we took our first fall. While mommy is the nurse and comfort in many situations, it was daddy who got the cries of joy at the great accomplishments of life (so we thought chopping down our first tree, or building our first sled to pull behind the old tractor and not falling off were such accomplishments). “Daddy! Daddy! Look! I caught ten lightning bugs and they’re in my pockets! See?! My pockets are lighting up!”

Then there are growing pains. Yes, growing pains. There is a reason we call them this, because to grow we must learn. And learning comes by success AND mistakes. Dad, my dad, has been there for both types of events in my life, and that of my siblings. He has seen us grow, both by our successes and our mistakes, rejoiced with us in our joy and hurt with us in our pain, and he has NEVER turned his back on us for anything we have done. Why? Because he knows what I have discussed in a previous blog when I said love hurts, and sometimes it hurts to love. But it is love, and it is strong. A Father’s love knows no bounds. Even if he is in the midst of disappointments and sadness while watching as his children struggle or when they are in pain, and there is nothing he can do about it but pray. And pray, he does. Daily. Without fail, this faithful man will pray for his family every day. I’m quite certain he prays often more than once in these days for them. They are his children! They are a part of him, have a part of his heart!

My dad, as a father, is the best that I know! Not only is he a wonderful Father, but he is a wonderful friend. There are many people who are good friends, faithful and good, reliable and dependable…but it is true what they say that in a lifetime a person is truly blessed to have the ability to count on one hand the people in their life that are truly the best. My dad is one of those. When I need advice, I can go to him, when I have news (either good or bad) I can tell him. The never failing, ever faithful friend is he, just as he strives to be… like Christ…a true Christian man. I am more blessed than words can say to call him my father. My Facebook status on the night of Father’s Day sums up my heart in as short a way as I possibly could…

“There are so many people to whom I would love to say Happy Father's Day to, and tag each and every one of them...however I cannot, and you know who you are. To the special men in my life who are not my father, yet are like another father figure to me, you guys all rock…no really…you do. My daddy has been, is, and always will be the best dad for the job!! There are not many fathers out there who can bring up me and my siblings, and then deal with our crazy selves as adults! haha! My dad has a very healthy prayer life on his own, but I'm fairly sure I've given him his fair share of worn knees and gray hair... (Or hair loss? lol).
To my dad, thank you for being such an amazing example to me and the sibs, for being there for me every single time I needed you. For praying for me when I asked, and when I didn't. For loving me in spite of myself, just as a father with that Christ-like love would do. Your example is a great one to follow, and to follow your example would be and is an honor in every way. Would that one day my children will rise up when they are grown and have the same respect and love for me that I have for you...I will say I have done something right. Happy Father's Day.”

Angel

This post is difficult. It is such because it is completely transparent. But I must recognize and dedicate a special word to a special person in my life…

I have always been a mother of boys. Naturally. I have three sons. However, I have a very special person in my life who I am step-mother to, and this one is a girl. Her name is Angel.

Angel is my husband’s daughter. Her mother is Greek, and resides in her country of origin. Angel is an absolutely gorgeous girl who will be a beauty of a woman when she grows up! She is currently 7 years old.

I came into Angel’s life in a sudden and quite permanent way, and looking back I wish it would have been done a bit differently. The day I met her was the day her father went to pick her up from her mother. She was pretty much informed that I am her daddy’s special lady friend and destined to be her step-mother in the near future. Looking back, things could have gone very differently had we prepared ourselves for this moment and change in her life.

From that day Angel spent three years in the care of her father and myself. She went from being an only child, and the center of everyone’s world, to living in a house full of BOYS, and being the second oldest of four! I went from being a mother to only boys to having a girl in my home. Not only were neither of us prepared for the change, we were also not prepared for our own reactions to the situation.

To begin with Angel is emotional. She’s female! I had a lot happen to me in prior years and my emotions had died during that time in my life, so I had forgotten how to handle someone who would be so full of them. My boys are boys…emotions aren’t really an issue unless someone is sick or hurting physically. Angel was a different story.

Angel loves to hug. She loves getting hugs. She walks, talks, lives and breathes affection. Sadly, I do not. And even more upsettingly to myself, I did not go out of my way enough to ensure that I spoke her love language so that she knew I love her dearly. I’m a pat-on-the-shoulder type (I guess that’s a mom of boys thing?), and shame on me for not stepping out of my comfort zone and being a person of affection more often! Don’t get me wrong. We played games, watched movies, read stories, went shopping, hair did, painted nails, and just sat and socialized together a lot. But hind sight is definitely 20/20, and every day I look back and wonder what I could have done differently.

Those who know me well, and know the history of our lives, understand what I am saying, and I know I have their support and prayers in my inner struggle. And a struggle it is.

Children in split families often suffer in so many ways. Children need to know their mother, their father, and so on. Every child needs to feel LOVE from the significant people in their lives, and as a step parent it’s my job to ensure that my step child feels the same inclusion and love as the children born from my body. While many people tell me I did what I could considering my situation, I literally think about those three years every day now that she is in Greece with her mother. Could I have changed things at any point? Could I have taken her out more just me and her, and had more of a woman/girl bond? Could I have encouraged more father/daughter outings for her and my husband? Did I do enough? Did I blow it?

While I know I cannot change the past, I do know that I can create a better future!

While Angel is absent from this house physically, she is still here. We miss her. We love her. I love her! So, while she is away, I will work hard to be a love speaker as she is. I am making changes in so many other areas of my life, but this one is as important (maybe more) as the other changes are. Why? Because Angel is important! I will endeavor to be better, do better, and love more loudly than the last time. My silent, non-emotional shell is coming off!

I have learned a lot from Angel, and while I did not apply those lessons while she was here as I should have, I am applying them now! Love out loud. Love often. Cry when it hurts! While they are not best let out 24/7, Emotions aren’t meant to be kept in 24/7.  Containing them as I have all these years hurts not only yourself but those around you. I hope Angel never hides hers. Her transparency has opened my eyes to my need to be the same. Handling these emotions, when on the receiving end, is another lesson I’ve learned. And I’m so thankful for that lesson, and for my teacher, my step-daughter.

 

When I see Angel’s sweet face again, I am going to just hug her and hold her tight, look into those big, brown, beautiful eyes and tell her just how much I love her and miss her and am so glad she is a part of my life! And I can’t wait.

I'm Going To Be An Expert!

Titus (8), Levi (6), Micah (3), my hubby, and myself, are in the first days of our new endeavor: Home-schooling!

I was told earlier this year, when Titus was diagnosed with Autism, I would need to become an expert in this category (Autism). I spoke with a Psychologist about this statement not long after, and she smiled and said, “No. You will become an expert on YOUR child. And that’s half the fun!” Well, by golly, she’s right!

Now, I’m only speaking for myself when I say this, but while my children were attending a public school I let their teachers be the experts. I mean they were the ones who have a degree to handle my kids, right? That is what I thought…and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

As we know, each child is different and unique in their own way, and as a mother and teacher I must understand that their learning styles will complement their individuality. Therefore, part one of my grand adventure is discovering my children’s inner learners, and opening up that barrier between myself and them so that we have unity and understanding.

I made a decision to change, from allowing others to know and understand my children above me, relying on them to teach and direct them on their journey to education and life outside the four walls of home. Personally I didn’t enjoy not knowing my sons’ friends, or their friends’ parents, family members, and other significant people in their lives.

Now, before I go any further, I want to say that I am NOT harping on those who place their children in public or private school…AT ALL! Why? Because it’s also successful, for them. This is just my decision, my family, my life, my children, and my heart’s desire to have them close to me, which is also what my children desire.

In the process of making the decision to turn to home-education for my sons, I sat down with them and discussed school, what they liked about it, didn’t like about it, and began to form a new observation about myself. I did not really know my sons as well as I thought I did. Yeah, I know what their favorite color is, favorite food, what gets them excited, happy, upset, or sad. I know their birthdates, their clothing and shoe sizes, and all of their general information. I also knew what they were doing in school, when they told me, and what they thought about the individualized subjects. But I sat there and got to KNOW my kids that day. What did I find?

I discovered many things that day that I will expound on in future posts. At this time, however, I just want to say that I am going to be an expert! Will I be perfect? NO! Experts are not perfect…but they study their subject in the finest of details. They learn the highs and the lows, the ups and downs, the good times and bad, and they enhance that which they study, to the very best of their abilities! Then, they get to see their work develop into something more than they even dreamed…

I am setting up for myself a higher standard that I had before. No, I’m not going to be a child hoarder, unsocial, or create for my children a life of no socialization. I am not going to hide away in the trees of some dark forest, just because I have announced to the world that I am choosing to teach my children at home. I will practice what some of the best teachers and examples could have ever shown me. I will educate, instruct, and encourage my children to grow, learn, and expand their dreams and desires to become realities. This is what it’s all about. Teaching them to fly. Teaching them to build their own nest. Encouraging them to make their own mistakes, and help them up when they fall hard.

I am excited! I am scared! But I am encouraged. I have a support system that is just HUGE, and although I do not feel “ready” I know that we can never be “ready” for life changes such as this. What is in store for me in this adventure? Work, sweat, prayer, tears, work, laughter, commitment, dedication, work, fear, excitement, joy, pain, work! See? I’m already an expert! *smiles*