Instead I Give Thanks

Today, as I sit in my house, while family and friends go out and gather with others for this Thanksgiving Day, I could be bitter. I could be angry and hurt. I could be depressed. And, I actually though about doing so at more than one point today. But, I have thought about other things as well…

Even though my sweet godmother has been gone from this life for 27 days today, I got to enjoy over 25 years of her presence in my life. So, instead of being angry at God or the world…I give thanks for so many memories. Laughter, tears (happy and sad), games, prayers, singing, group trips, ideas and dreams, and the first time she curled my hair. With each memory springs five new ones behind it. I couldn’t be happier in my thoughts.

Even though I had my power shut off at the beginning of this week, and everything in my house is operated with electricity, I got to enjoy some flashlight games in and out of the house with my sons. The moon was full, and the light outside was bright. I was able to stay at my parents’ house for two nights, and thanks to wonderful people in my life, was able to get my power back on before Thanksgiving Day. Instead of being outraged and bitter, I give thanks for those who were there to help and support me during this rough week. All of you!

Even though I am sitting in my bedroom, while my family all goes to my paternal grandmother’s place for Thanksgiving Dinner, and while Sean is at work and my children are all playing games in the other room, I could be bitter and hurt at the outcome of my day. NO! I will be spending the day entertaining my children, cleaning my house, that now has power, and then going to help my dear godfather, and spend this first Thanksgiving without my godmother with him. In part, it will be therapeutic for all of us. He has no functioning vehicle right now, and we are going to gather some people to help him get his car up and running again. I honestly could NOT think of a better way to spend my day. So, instead of having negative thoughts, and sulking in some self-pity, I will give thanks that I get to use this day to help someone in need.

Honestly, I did not care to participate in the Facebook popular “30 Days of Thanks” deal, because November 1 did not introduce to me a month of happiness or joy. But as the month has gone on, and I have endured trial after exhausting trial, I have been brought back to that place within myself where I find good in most things bad. I look for the good. It has become a practice for me personally since a couple of years before my divorce. When looking for the good, we tend to lose focus on the bad. Yes, the bad is still there. Sometimes it hovers overhead like an anvil just waiting to drop. But peace and contentment within one’s self does not come from standing under that anvil. I just move out from underneath it.

So today, on this Thanksgiving of 2015, the Thanksgiving that has not given me much of my own to be thankful for, I am thankful. Because without trials there is no victory. Without some struggle there is no strength. Without loss there is no gain. Without emotion there is no feeling. And once all things are considered, the list of things to truly be thankful for reaches far beyond the number 30. I don’t have to be thankful that my godmother is gone, and I am not. But I am thankful for a LONG list of things she brought me in the years I did have with her. I don’t have to be thankful that I am not attending a family dinner that I had intended to attend all year, and honestly I am not. But I am thankful that I get to reach out and tend to the hurting heart of another today, which I would not have done had I gone away. I don’t have to be thankful for events in my life, but I am thankful for things I have gained and learned through hard times. I am thankful for people, friends and family, my children, my car (that is also breaking down on me), my job, a house for my family (two and four legged), and my shade tree! I could be so many things on this day, but instead of those, I am truly thankful.