The Other Side of Love

Love is a funny thing.

Romantic love can send people into situations that make them appear as fools. Childlike love gives and gives and gives, and feeds off the return. The love of a parent gives and gives and gives, and doesn’t get a return in the same fashion it was given…but the parent doesn’t expect such a return, and any reflection of their giving is enough, especially when it shines from the joyful eyes of their child. But love isn’t always rainbows and flowers. Love can carry a person through hard times, lift the spirit of the fallen, and be a solace and comfort to the lonely. Love is definitely powerful and amazing. But love goes so much farther, and sometimes we don’t like where it takes us.

Sometimes love hurts, and sometimes it hurts to love.

When does love hurt? In speaking of the love that hurts, we are talking about being on the receiving end. There is this thing called “tough love” and it’s not a pleasant experience. It’s definitely a deeper level of love that most people don’t understand, and none enjoy, when they are given a dose of it. When we want something badly and are told “No”, or “Not now.” And I’m not speaking of just some general want. No, I’m talking about the deep desire for something. When did we ask for these: Healing of sickness, whether for ourselves or someone close to us, escape from a certain trial or battle we are facing in life, or maybe just to have someone…and to not be alone. There’s a song I’ve heard on the radio, by Laura Story that sums up “when love hurts” quite well…

“What if your blessings come through rain drops? What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near? And what if trials of this life… are your mercies in disguise?”

Now that we have walked through some painful love experiences together, and have a better understanding of when love hurts, let me take you to the giving side…when it hurts to love.

When does it hurt to love? I want to take you down a road with me that isn’t the best story in the world, but has a lesson in love, and how it changes us. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage, and three years ago she came to live with us. For the majority of this time I discovered that step-parenting is NOT the same as blood parenting. So much is different. Thanks to a lot of prayer and support and LOVE from others, we overcame a lot of our struggles that step relationships battle with. In that time I cried tears of anger, hurt, frustration, confusion, sadness, and some of joy and happiness as well. Sadly, on February 1, 2014, I and my husband held each other tight at the Los Angeles airport security gate and cried together tears of sorrow and pain, as we watched her, through the fog of tears, walk away from us to live with her mother in another country. We do not know when we will see her in person again, and letting go was excruciating beyond what either of us thought. But because we LOVE her, we let her go…because this was what was best for her. It hurts sometimes, to love, because we have to put away what we want and what they want, and do what is BEST. These decisions are NOT easy, and some hurt more than others, while some don’t hurt at all.

I am finishing with a story familiar to us all. Mary Poppins was packing her bag to leave the Banks household when Michael Banks asks her, and I am paraphrasing, “Why are you leaving us? Can’t you stay? Don’t you love us?” and Mary Poppins’ reply…”Now Michael. What would happen if I loved all the children I said goodbye to?”

At first I didn’t know how to take this question in the movie, and for the longest time I thought she was a heartless, empty, statue of a woman for this statement. Then it hit me…just what would happen if she loved all the children she said goodbye to? What would it do to us, really, if we entered a situation that brought us to love someone, then have to part with them? Well, it would hurt! Right? Yes, it sure would. But we didn’t “lose” anyone in this…but we just gained something. A deeper part of ourselves. A part that would not be revealed had we not gone through a trial, come to love someone, make a decision that broke hearts and weighed heavy on the spirit. Yes, there will be sleepless nights, days when joining the rest of the living population just doesn’t appeal to us, and hours and hours of that deep pain, and the void down within that leaves us hollow and writhing (whether physically or spiritually), demanding to know WHY! And do we really know why? Because we love. Love…

But love is a funny thing…

This week a dear friend of mine experienced a very similar circumstance, and I will say that I battled with this blog for days before I even knew what was happening in her world…but she wrote a beautiful thing that inspired me to finish this blog post. I have her to thank for the inspiration to continue. <3 She spoke of peace…that peace that passes ALL understanding. And that made me think…where does that peace come from? LOVE!