The River

Today I looked at my reflection in the calm and smooth surface of the river. I am at peace. There is the slightest breeze, causing fine ripples in the water, giving a whimsical addition to the subtle smile on the reflection looking back at me. I love this place. The river settles my soul, with its flowing waters, constant and lasting. Today my reflection is smooth, and I see signs of life beneath the clear surface of liquid glass.

Days pass by and the calm serenity that flows with the steady current of the river has been disrupted by rain. It is gloomy today, as the gray clouds hover low, nearly touching the water’s surface. The river is choppy, with little white capped waves tossing debris from upstream back and forth in its current. My heart feels like the waves today…rough and scattered. The moments of gray and heavy thoughts descending on me like the clouds and rain, weighing down the smile and pressing on the heart.

Leaves are falling from the trees along the riverbank. All colors of little pieces of nature’s confetti sprinkled across the flowing waters, being carried off on the current in motion much like a slow dance, give me pause as I watch in silent pondering the unique display. There is a chill in the air, but it is a good change. There is something settling about autumn, with the canvas painting appeal that the river banks display for miles and miles to see.

The bitter cold will not deter me from going to my place at the river today. The vision of frozen water, glittering snow shining in the soft sunlight, and my sheer amazement at the constant flow of this amazing body of water draw me here once again. Life’s winter has my heart frozen in place. Unmoving and unfeeling, I have come to the river for a sign…that one, small spark of life that I know is under the surface of ice in my soul. I see no reflection today. The water is muddy, flowing fast and strong as the snow falls into the murky depths, being carried off to the unknown. Much like myself, deep inside.

The warmth has melted the ice, and the river is calm again. There is sunlight reflecting off the water, making it shine and glisten, putting on a show of dancing light and reflection all around. Today I am afraid to come to the water’s edge, because the ice that has covered my heart and soul will thaw. Have you ever been frozen, and then warmth brought back? It hurts! Have I become accustomed to my frozen state? Will this be where I stay forever?

But then I remembered why I come to the river. I remembered the little sparks of life beneath the glassy surface. I remembered the colorful display flowing down and out of sight. I remembered the beauty even when frozen in places. But, most of all, I remembered the one thing I never paid much attention to before this moment: The river, although forever changing, never changes. The water’s surface is always moving, changing with the weather and things that come into contact with it. But underneath the river never stops.

Yes, the seasons make things around the river look different, feel different, seem different, but the river itself has yet to move from its purpose. It is a force of nature, constant and true, in all things. Even if the waters dried up there would be a mark on this earth that will remind us of the river. The course it led, the life it gave, and knowing that until the last drop was gone the river never wavered, and remained true. Yeah, the winds may blow, rain and snow fall, and the darkness and cold may creep its way onto the banks of this river. People even come to the river banks and throw rocks into the waters, causing splashes and ripples, momentarily disturbing the waters. But every time I come back to the banks of my river I see what the river has been trying to tell me this whole time: keep going. Don’t stop. Never change your course, no matter what may come your way. Make your mark in this world, and let it sink deep. Be free.

This ice in my heart is melting. Yes, it hurts…but it’s a healing pain. I cringe with each pulse that pushes warmth into the cold places, but now I can breathe…I can feel! No matter the season in life, no matter the struggle and trial, I will flow constant and true, true in all things never wavering. I have set my course and, like the river, I will run it. This current may vary, sometimes fast and furious, sometimes slow and serene, but one thing I know to be true; here with the river, I am free.