Angel

This post is difficult. It is such because it is completely transparent. But I must recognize and dedicate a special word to a special person in my life…

I have always been a mother of boys. Naturally. I have three sons. However, I have a very special person in my life who I am step-mother to, and this one is a girl. Her name is Angel.

Angel is my husband’s daughter. Her mother is Greek, and resides in her country of origin. Angel is an absolutely gorgeous girl who will be a beauty of a woman when she grows up! She is currently 7 years old.

I came into Angel’s life in a sudden and quite permanent way, and looking back I wish it would have been done a bit differently. The day I met her was the day her father went to pick her up from her mother. She was pretty much informed that I am her daddy’s special lady friend and destined to be her step-mother in the near future. Looking back, things could have gone very differently had we prepared ourselves for this moment and change in her life.

From that day Angel spent three years in the care of her father and myself. She went from being an only child, and the center of everyone’s world, to living in a house full of BOYS, and being the second oldest of four! I went from being a mother to only boys to having a girl in my home. Not only were neither of us prepared for the change, we were also not prepared for our own reactions to the situation.

To begin with Angel is emotional. She’s female! I had a lot happen to me in prior years and my emotions had died during that time in my life, so I had forgotten how to handle someone who would be so full of them. My boys are boys…emotions aren’t really an issue unless someone is sick or hurting physically. Angel was a different story.

Angel loves to hug. She loves getting hugs. She walks, talks, lives and breathes affection. Sadly, I do not. And even more upsettingly to myself, I did not go out of my way enough to ensure that I spoke her love language so that she knew I love her dearly. I’m a pat-on-the-shoulder type (I guess that’s a mom of boys thing?), and shame on me for not stepping out of my comfort zone and being a person of affection more often! Don’t get me wrong. We played games, watched movies, read stories, went shopping, hair did, painted nails, and just sat and socialized together a lot. But hind sight is definitely 20/20, and every day I look back and wonder what I could have done differently.

Those who know me well, and know the history of our lives, understand what I am saying, and I know I have their support and prayers in my inner struggle. And a struggle it is.

Children in split families often suffer in so many ways. Children need to know their mother, their father, and so on. Every child needs to feel LOVE from the significant people in their lives, and as a step parent it’s my job to ensure that my step child feels the same inclusion and love as the children born from my body. While many people tell me I did what I could considering my situation, I literally think about those three years every day now that she is in Greece with her mother. Could I have changed things at any point? Could I have taken her out more just me and her, and had more of a woman/girl bond? Could I have encouraged more father/daughter outings for her and my husband? Did I do enough? Did I blow it?

While I know I cannot change the past, I do know that I can create a better future!

While Angel is absent from this house physically, she is still here. We miss her. We love her. I love her! So, while she is away, I will work hard to be a love speaker as she is. I am making changes in so many other areas of my life, but this one is as important (maybe more) as the other changes are. Why? Because Angel is important! I will endeavor to be better, do better, and love more loudly than the last time. My silent, non-emotional shell is coming off!

I have learned a lot from Angel, and while I did not apply those lessons while she was here as I should have, I am applying them now! Love out loud. Love often. Cry when it hurts! While they are not best let out 24/7, Emotions aren’t meant to be kept in 24/7.  Containing them as I have all these years hurts not only yourself but those around you. I hope Angel never hides hers. Her transparency has opened my eyes to my need to be the same. Handling these emotions, when on the receiving end, is another lesson I’ve learned. And I’m so thankful for that lesson, and for my teacher, my step-daughter.

 

When I see Angel’s sweet face again, I am going to just hug her and hold her tight, look into those big, brown, beautiful eyes and tell her just how much I love her and miss her and am so glad she is a part of my life! And I can’t wait.